看着你欲言又止的表情，我知道你在犹豫着。那双无法直视着我脸的双眼就快把我的心给粉碎了。

曾经有这么一位朋友告诉我：当你的心习惯了去爱且被这个你爱的人所折磨，要填补这份已逝的爱所留下的空洞真的好难好难。因为我们不是坚强的人。

我不会傻傻的站在前方的路口等你，因为我选择此刻陪你一起走，就算我们必须在下个路口分手，我也要呆在你身边直到最后一刻。

要彻底的放手谈何容易？

让你紧握在双手的一切随风而飘需要的不只是勇气，你还需要一颗坚强的心。

不是说你付出比较多，你爱她比其他人更深就表示你比谁都更应该在一起。因为爱情本来就不能做比较。

如果爱一个人让你觉得好累，那么你有没有想过是你爱的方式出现了问题？不要执著地用昔日的回忆硬硬地塞进容量不大的心低。

我好希望一切能有更简单的解决方法。

what's life?

How often do you ask yourself the one most important question of your life: What it is the meaning of live?

You will be astonished by realizing that you don't really get it figure out after living for more than 20 years.

I once read that man are goal-oriented. They only feel living when they are working toward their target or goals. If that is the case then I am in deep shit right now. Why? Because I dun remember having any proper goal in my life. Dating a super model and owning my own football team is more of a dream, not goal.

Could it be that I have not been living at all for the past 23 years? What I was doing are just breathing, feast when I am hungry and sleep when I m tired. And even the last part I have not been doing well.

I found myself wondering where will I be in 5 years time? You know, when I am about to be 30 and living in denial of that fact. And it is making me really sad and scare that I actually have no idea how my life is going to turn out to be. Hell, I dun even know I am a dog or a cat person.

There is another saying about life: a life worth living is a life full of joy and happiness. If that is really true, then I am actually having quite a life right now. Because I am enjoying it and I feel happy most of the time.

Right now, my LIFE is just Living + Inappropriate + Fun + Ending ( I do not have suicidal thoughts, but somehow I think I will just die in some freaky accident)

懦夫的道歉

我想在这里向某人道歉。

这位我一直以来都知道他的存在但不曾见过面的某人。

我一向来都觉得自己是个很少作出有愧于别人的事情，可是对于这一位某某，我实在没有面对他的勇气。我就连道歉也只能在这里。

我想如果我们两人的角色对调了，可能我也会对他很反感，甚至有一股想揍他的冲动。可是他没有打我，可能他大量，也可能他不欺弱小。

不管你有没有再来这儿，我就只想你知道，我好难过因为我把自己的快乐建立在别人的痛苦之上。

如果我们是相识的，我想结果会很不一样。

他和你是什么关系呀？呵呵，不是男友但比男朋友亲密。

除了点头认同，我还真的不知道能有什么别的回应。

我很清楚，明确地相信我还是像当初一样想看见你开心。而且我好像也真的有让你开心起来。

不过，你知道我这个半个女生的心里有多复杂吗？

凌晨3点钟的高速公路是多么的幽静。

虽然油缸里就只剩那么一点点的汽油，也不是很肯定方向，但是一旦收音机播出熟习的过门音乐，心里就只有愉快和回忆。

是“红蜻蜓”啦，虽然描述的是人慢慢长大的无奈，可是表现的方式是多么的让人轻松。连身边喝醉的朋友也兴奋地与我一起高歌。

u rather watch anime eh?

What do you want from me?!?
I am not your bf. Hell, I am more like a stranger to you when there are others around.

Is true that you can never get rewarded with what you give or sacrifice in equivalent amount, but I guess I am at least entitled to a certain degree of appreciation, right?

Say whatever you want, call me by any nickname you like, one day you will definitely regret taking me for granted. I hope you realized the mistake you make and learn from it before you lose me forever.

又是一个下雨天

又下雨了，不是绵绵细雨，带动雨点打在身上的也不是微微弱风。

如果此时我有一辆车，我会毫不犹豫地踏上油门冲向逆风雨的前方驱驶。

就算没有目的地在盘旋也不赖，我喜欢透过镜子看着迎面而来的雨滴还有雨点打在车顶所发出的嘀嗒嘀嗒声。还可以凝视街灯下的雨点灿烂地飘划过。就这么简单的，我可以把烦恼都暂时抛在脑后，至少到雨停前我拥有这短暂的愉快。

然后，我可以把车窗摇下，大口大口地呼吸着清新的雨后空气。

人呀，还是过着这么简简单单的节奏比较开心吧！但生活从来就不能这么写意，感慨呀感慨！

曾经有一个女生告诉我：有时候两个人一起踏上一段旅程，最后的终点不重要，可贵的是路上两个人经历的一切；因为终点会改变，回忆是不变的。

这位女生也让我明白了一件事：爱是美丽的，不要害怕为爱而勇敢。

身边就算有再多的人为感情的事而不开心，也不可能会影响我对爱情的看法。
只要双方都是要和对方快乐的在一起，其他问题都不足够以打击他们。

另外一个很可爱的女生曾经很感性地说：我可以有一百个原因去喜欢一个人，但我只需要一个原因就可以不再爱这个人。

昨天晚上，我看见只脏兮兮的老鼠，我立刻联想到一位很可爱的前同班同学。还记得当她看见两只老鼠在20米的前方越过走廊的那一刻，她的瞳孔张开大大的，乌溜溜的眼珠里微微带着一些眼泪，深深地吸引着我。我好像看见了世界上最美的一双眼睛。我当下好想抱着她，但她却忙着跑向反老鼠的一方因为她真的好怕老鼠。

I m using Engrish not English

Some of you might start to wonder had I lost the ability to write in English judging by how frequent I used Chinese to blog in my entries for the past 2 months. Fret no more, here I am writing in words that my beloved mom can actually read and understand (so long as she stop complaining bout her son's awful grammar).

Despite the fact that I am still 8 months away from finishing my course and 2 final exam in between, I often wonder what is like to be working and be financially independent (the perfect world situation la, I know that in reality: you never earn enough to be financially independent). I don't really think about the salary most of the time, but I do look forward to lots of work, bonding with your co-worker/supervisor/office gossiper, and no assignments.

95% of my mate who is working have been telling me that being a student is the best thing you can have and 80% out of this 95% of people dislike the fact that they are working class now. I come up with 3 possible conclusions:

1. Working really suck. Not that studying is awesome, but working suck so much that it makes study cool, maybe.
2. I mix with a bunch of people who simply dislike working.
3. The working friends are missing the holidays a lot.
   

But still, wouldn't it be inconsiderate of you guys to tell me working is shit when I m so looking forward to graduate and earn my own first pay check? I am a dreamer, don't let the cold harsh reality bang me in the head first.

As for my conclusion, I think I need to work for a while before I can make up my mind.

可是我有音乐和你

用五音不全的声音唱着一首歌词很不熟的歌，没有很好的听觉效果不过那份心意是感受到吧？

简简单单的一个短讯足以抵消一整天的疲惫，发自内心真诚的关怀和慰问比任何物资礼物好。

不要再为以前的遗憾拘留，也不奢望从此以后不再有泪水，重要的是现在身边有你在守候着。

在对的时候遇上对的人，不容易；所以才更希望能够好好的珍惜你，好好的爱你一次。幸福不是必然的，有时候我们必须争取，不应在未来回想起失去的机会，问自己如果当初的傻问题。

你们认同吗？

嬉皮笑脸

我是个认真的人。

不羁的外表可能让好多人有种错觉：我是个玩世不恭的烂咖。

喜欢开玩笑的性格不表示是个吊儿郎当的家伙。

无厘头的表情和想法只是表现个人主义的方式。

从不合拢的嘴巴虽然给人油腔滑调的感觉，但了解我的人知道我什么时候是真心的。

从小身边的人都时不时会被我的表现感到出乎预料，可能一副轻轻松松的样子去完成一件事情会让人觉得没有努力认真。

鲁鲁说：如果你生得一副认真的样貌，相信很多人会很喜欢你。

我说：认真不代表不能同时候在享受着，我就是不喜欢把认真两字写在额头上。

迷失公园一日游

居安思危好像从来就不是我做人的态度。我觉得我都是活在危险地带然后幻想如果我走安全路线的结果会是怎样呢？

可能这就是现代都市人的无奈吧，活在五色六光的霓虹下，一切的是非对错都不是黑白那么清楚笃定。好多以前我认为是对的事情，我现在已经不能了解了；不少我以往认为是错的事情，我却好像越来越频密地做着。

我好像迷失了自己，可能我高估了自己的能力，我以为我可以一个人闯入迷宫，解开一连串的谜题，任凭一股大无畏的精神打倒守护着高塔的飞龙，最后把公主求出赢得美人归。现实中，我是个不能落单的人，没有过人的智慧，更生来一副胆小怕事的性格。

我人生中最让我自豪的是我对身边朋友的真诚，如果那一天我连这一点都丧失了，我想我真的是彻彻底底地失败了。不过感到欣慰的是，此时此刻的我还有几个靠得住的朋友。

i get crappy mark for my essay

is not an encouraging week for me, at least academic wise, is unexpectedly bleak. Unless I had suffer from a severe concussion, is very unlikely you will hear that I am going to further my study. Mommy, I hope you read this. :p

I have been lying on my bed a lot, to the point that I am impressed with how less movement I make in a whole day and yet I am not dead by my bed. I guess is good in the sense that I am actually spending less by doing less activity. Should I had discover this method long long time ago, I am now a love-deprived with some money, instead of being broke and out of love. HaHa.

Is kinda funny how I always thought that I have my future plan work out only to discovered that life is really unpredictable and I don't even know who am I. Maybe is not really funny, more like stupid or dumb due to the fact that you control every part of your body and mind yet you don't know who you are? How much dumber can it get?

On a happier note, I get to sleep much easier now.

人不为己，天诛地灭也

从来都不是个自私的人，不过过去的一个星期，我好想自私的占有某某人。但心里好像有一道正气在告诉着我，这样是不对的。

之前还埋怨S君不能拿定主意，现在竟然是我在犹豫不定。想来妈妈真的把我教导的不错，做任何的决定都会考虑事情的好坏，从中做出好的决定。

多年来不断地做出道德伦理上对的决定并没有给我任何好的回报。是不是我应该自私一次呢？自己的快乐如果不争取，难道天会掉下来给你吗？

阿喵，快快给我一些意见。

o ohhhhh~~~~ time to go back lo, steel design will be my only mate there.

Thank god I am going back, I am not sure how can I come up with more money if I continue to spend on outing like how I did on the past 15 days.

But I dun nid a rich wife to support me. I just need to have better control of my spending. Lol

time to stop?

You can take away his toys, his TV remote, his favorite sneaker, but you should never take away your love. Coz that is just not the way to punish a person or make your statements heard.

Even though sometimes things you do and sacrifice in the name of love is not appreciated the way you want it to be, or worst still, people take for granted and thought that you have the obligation to be nice to them and treat them like queen or king; you shouldn't just stop loving so easily.

This kind of advise is really plain dumb and shouldn't be taken seriously at all. There are about 6.9 billions people living on earth, you will never have enough love for everyone. So if that person dun appreciate your love at all, you might as well give it to someone else.

Stop thinking that by doing so makes you a mean and heartless person, you are being mean to yourself if you try to fool yourself that someday that person is going to change his/her mind and treat you better in the future. They won't, no matter how hard you hope or how bad you pray, they won't wake up 1 day and appreciate you suddenly.

It sucks to be me right now, as much as I want to take all my love away, I just can't do it no matter how I try to convince myself.

当鲜红的玫瑰慢慢变成深朱红色,你还是否愿意把它摆在桌上日夜对着它呢?

花瓣一片片的凋零，枯萎的玫瑰花蕊赤裸裸地出现在你眼前，你能接受如此丑陋的一面吗？

多么美丽鲜艳的玫瑰都会有凋谢的那么一天，也会有被抛弃的一天。

当它躺在菊花与茉莉之间，它是否有预测这一天的到来？它还会自视过高而不愿与现在同样命运的邻居交谈吗？

如果把现代的爱情比喻成玫瑰是同时符合又不恰当的； 现代的爱情像玫瑰那样美丽但短暂，像玫瑰那样让人垂咽却又担心被它的刺刺痛。

但不同与玫瑰的是，枯萎的爱情不能够就这样扔进垃圾桶里。

u r not getting any younger, Malaysia

August has always been a month filled with lots of patriotic talk, flag bearing vehicles on the road, and really nice advertisement from Petronas. Not sure with the ad thingy anymore coz for the past 4 years, I have not really watch TV during the month of Merderka. But I am sure it will not be as good since the departure of Yasmin Ahmad.

Despite the fact that 2010 is the 53rd years since we first declared independency, we are still very much restricted by people who set unfair restriction on us. These people are the politician in the ruling government. Time and time again, they throw ISA bomb on us, lying to our face in the name of following clauses in the Printing Presses and Publication Act.

How stupid can we be? U think just because people keep their mouth shut and never bring up some unpleasant issue, then the issue with cease to exist? U think we are so buying ur crap on the whole Malaysia economy measured by GDP is really growing with double figure? Ask any1 with a still functional brain, and they will have no problem telling you, despite the demonstration and riot in Thailand, the previous scandal of lousy greedy Presidency in Indonesia, these two country have no problem getting international group to invest in their country. Eat that, u bunch of jokers in Malaysia.

Try la go ask any business man, uncle in kopitiam, aunty in grocery stall, People in Proton Edaran, do they feel the IMPACT of the strong economy growth? But make sure you let the uncle swallow his kopi-o first, i m very sure he will choose to throw up on you if u ask him with his mouthful.

But I m sure you put the uncle under custody using ISA as soon as he share his view on the way how the PM, DPM and their good Minister friends are making a fool of themselves. Don't you know people that is under heavy influence of caffeine is exempted from taking responsible on the honest truth they speak in kopitiam?

Seriously, u think u can fight the power of Internet with ur self-delusional mighty ISA and PPPA meh? Come on la, you think you politician really speak for the people of Malaysia? Or maybe you are, coz Malaysia population is just the YB and few millions of squatter who remained the working force pushing Malaysia through its hard time.

To all those blogger who screams FML because they gained extra pound, the narcissism who just took an awful picture of herself, or simply because they are called bimbo which is exactly true. I say F YOUR LIFE because u r a Malaysian who cannot blog freely.

Still considering the fact that I get holiday on 31st August, is only fair that I wish everyone else Happy Independence Day.

向前冲吧

有一位华语程度比我好的家伙说她不习惯看见我的部落各都是华语的文章。
我只想对那位朋友说：nyasing, 我爱呀。

好啦，其实我不是懒惰写，只是有些东西还没搞懂所以就不分享咯。

最近在忙些什么？Hmmmmm, 让我想想，失眠啦，健身啦，打打球啦，喝下酒。好像还真的很忙的。

假期就快到了，真的好期待。又是与好朋友聚聚的时候了。有人告诉我，我在这儿3年了，但我从来就没有习惯过。我想她真的还蛮了解我的，不是讨厌这里的生活，只是熟习的脸孔都不在，难免就有一些挂念着他们。

以前觉得妈妈很唠叨，但每当吃完了油腻腻的炒饭，就很想喝一碗妈妈熬的靓汤。

弟弟在身边时，有好几次真的想捏死他，可是现在在网上看到一些潮鞋时，第一个要通知的还是他。

离开吉隆坡时，以为这下真的可以解脱了，可是无时无刻的想念着她，我们可以不再管其他人的流言蜚语吗？

等我吧，叶妈妈，李小姐，郭老师，刘小姐，黄小姐，周小姐，林小姐，我希望这个假期会是一个很愉快的14天。

凌晨4点钟

每一个睡不着的夜晚，我都在寻找原因。

奇怪的是我不是要找出问题的源头，我只是想把失眠变成有理由的事故，说穿了，就是不把问题当成一个问题来看待。

可是不管我多拼命的去钻，我再也找不到能够安慰自己的借口了。不能够再去催眠自己。

我对睡眠产生了抗拒，明明就是累垮了但就是不想闭上眼。我病了呀，而且出乎预料地严重。

到底有没有药能让我好起来呢？

两个星期，14天

一天一天慢慢地倒数着

你会好起来的

给因为失恋/不如意的爱情而受伤的人：

爱情不是1+1=2这么简单，如果你摸不着它，你不该觉得可笑，因为天地下还有好多好多人和你一样，比数学更复杂的东西，你说有多困难？

爱情也不是是非题，没有绝对的对或错，你不能拿着它像小时候被阅改过的试卷，向老师提出置疑，因为你本身也没有十足的把握你是对的。

爱情更不是必需品，没有情人不代表你是可怜的，爱情是点翠你的人生的，如果点翠品在慢慢地折磨着你，倒不如痛痛快快地把它脱掉。

最后，爱情是不可怕的，可怕的是你在爱恋中做出你以为是正确的错误，可怕的是你不肯面对这些错误。

时间是冲淡一切的好方法，是伤口痊愈的良药，有一天你会发现无论你多用心去回想，你都记不起他的轮廓了。

u never get what u wan

So much that I want to do, yet I only have so little money.

How badly I try to sleep, yet I only manage to sleep so little.

No one understand how much I am telling myself not to think about it, but yet the images keep haunting me.

On the bright side, I am about 3 weeks away from meeting my friends and family again. Gosh, I miss them a lot

best + birthday + weekend = awesome

Is official. At least it is officially in my memory. I just have the best birthday weekend.

First, my beloved call me before everyone else send their message. She even sing me a birthday song. She is not the only one though. Very much later on my birthday, Miss Quek called and sang me one very out of tempo, out of tune, but packed with love version of Happy Birthday.
Happy fact: Is time like these that I am once again reminded how much people around me that love me.

And there are cakes. I dun remember having two cakes on my own birthday before this. Is actually one and a half because I am sharing one with my course-mate whose birthday is on the 30th too. The cakes is awesome, have a slice of the cheese cake in the morning and some chocolate cake in the evening.
Funny fact: The cheese cake is actually lot bigger than the chocolate cake, but I end up eating more of chocolate cake which is weird because I always hated chocolate cake.

Karaoke session after the steamboat dinner. Not everyone enjoy it, but I was having a great time. Okay la, that is not fair. I guess only people who like singing enjoyed karaoke, those who dun sing will never empathize on it.
Serious fact: Next time you wanna screw the asshole who spoil every single song he sing along to, just pick 浮夸。 and you will be amazed by the result. HaHa

And there was drinking session on the next night. see? People here in Kuching have a life too. Prior to the previous experience of drinking lousy Heineken, we opted for some cheap Whiskey instead. And as more people joined in, I lost track of time and start puking by the road. Lol.
Plain boring fact: You can read about it on my previous entry provided that you can read some Chinese character. These might come up handy: 醉is drunk. 吐is puke. Figure the rest of it yourself. Haha

Last but not least, I received gifts too. Although my stupid working brother didn't get me anything, not even half a boxer. I still get something handmade and one very lovely gift from another beloved.

Thanks guys. I wish my birthday is next week, in that case, I can do it all over again. ^^

不吐不快

谁说一醉解千愁？

又何人说举杯消愁愁更愁？

我说一醉满身伤，举杯消愁脑蒙蒙。

其实消愁是骗人的，你只不过借用酒精来跟你的脑袋玩障眼法。当酒精占领了你的思维和判断力时，你不只忘记你的烦恼，你也把快乐悲伤和肚子里的食物一并地抛开。

okla, 你不可能可以把你的快乐悲伤呕出，不过那短暂的时刻，你真的是不会被任何不愉快的记忆打扰。你脑海里就只希望你可以不要再吐了；但是又有一种不吐不快的感觉。

没有任何的特别原因想喝醉，就纯粹要跟自己的身体过不去。哈哈，觉得我好变态吗？
我想去感受那种不舒服的感觉，好让自己可以更珍惜平时活在平淡舒适的生活。
想用喝醉的记忆提醒自己不要浪费清醒的时光。
更想去亲身体验举杯消愁愁更愁的意境。呵呵。

我还在醉吗？也许吧，可能我本来就一直在醉着，这七个月来都是。是时候喝杯解醉茶了吗？

you can't measure love like how you sized a penis

How soon is too soon?

Is 1 month too soon? Is 3 month too soon? How about half a year? A year?

Was a bit shocked to found out a friend of mine who I always see as a typical gaming nerd hiding in his dorm room got himself a girl friend in the span of 2 months industry training. Then the-forever-smart Mr. Tan says: Remember bout you and the gal working for the promoter job? Was it less than a month?

Oh wtf, I totally forgotten bout that.

See, there are no such thing as too soon or too long when comes to developed affection toward a person. Some take years, like a good old whisky; while others claimed to be sort of like love at first sight.

Sometimes the fondness come in the form of a giant tsunami, carrying you to an uncharted area with no warning. It can also take shape of small calm wave by the shoreline, gently caressing your feet.

So dun worry bout what the rest of the world tell you, you can move on when you are ready to move on. If you are not, you can take all the time you need to ready yourself.

What's the fun of doing something if you know that outcome of it from the beginning? That is why leap of faith is so much more exciting. Ms Quek just took 1 herself, and now I wonder when will I be doing so too?

你知道吗？

有些人无论你花多少时间和他交谈，你都不会腻，你也不会觉得他烦。因为他已经成为你的一部分。

有些歌曲就算你听了500遍，你也还想再听500遍。因为它曾经陪伴你度过无数个失眠的夜晚。

有些话你天天都向他说，但你还是觉得你没有说够。因为你害怕有一天你不再可以告诉他了。

有些事情你一直在做，不过你永远不会觉得苦闷。因为你喜欢这么做。

有些坏习惯你从小就懂是不好的，可是你没有想去改掉。因为十全十美的人太恐怖了，你还想保留一些人性。

******************************

我们曾经天天形影不离，天天一起上课，一起被训话。不过那都只是曾经。那些事情都只能回顾，或许你没有像我这般地去怀念它们，但我相信偶尔你会想起那些日子。

可能以前你只有我做伴；现在你多了同事，旧同学新朋友。
可能我改变了太多，你不能适应这样的我，所以我们不能相处的很愉快。
又可能是你也变了，我却硬硬要你回到过去似，因此我们不断争吵。

人因为长大了，就会变复杂；我希望看见复杂的你背后的倒影是成熟的，而不是怪异孤僻的。
我答应你我会尽我所能让你看见我友善可亲的一面，不过这是需要时间的。

我希望听到你开始多一些说：好，我要。 因为你现在都只会说：no, thank you.

se7en

Just watched Se7en, again. Is not that I am bored, but is because the movie was simply awesome. I know Morgan Freeman has spoiled tonnes of movie, he is still doing his prank right now, but I actually like Morgan in Se7en.

And Brad Pitt is in the movie too. How I miss Brad? Inglorious Basterd (last year) was pretty enjoyable but is nowhere as good as Se7en(1995) or Fight Club (1999, if i m not mistaken). Is not hard to admit that he is indeed very yummy looking. More reason to hate Angelina, i guess.

The movie is themed on 7 deadly sins of man:

1. gluttony
2. greed
3. sloth
4. lust
5. pride
6. envy
7. wrath

How many of this 7 deadly sins you are actually possessing? I have never been a bad person, but I might have to watchful when I sleep tonight, just in case Kevin Spacey, who played the distorted psycho killer pay me a visit.

I have yet to watch Inception, despite the whole FB is flooded with rave from almost everyone, I doubt it will be as good as Cashback.

Heineken fuelled dream

Is not common for me to remember things vividly without tiny bits of details lost, and is just as hard as for me to have dream.

So imagine how happy I am that I can actually recall the dream I had yesterday. I am happy that I can remembered it, but I am actually confused with the dream itself.

I was helping in the shop that I previously worked in, but I am not actually paid to work in the dream. I volunteered to help out. Everyone is in the shop except that one person that matters more wasn't there.

But instead of packing product of the shop, I am actually dealing with floppy disk (which is somehow relate to this one time when I help my friend to put CD in cover), who on earth use floppy disk now anyway?

Then someone's phone rang. That someone pick up the phone and start talking. Then she look at me, pause a while, and told the other end: Your ex-bf is here, you wanna come?

She hung up the phone and says: she will only come over earliest by October.

and then the dream end. Fade into total blackness.

I am not sure what is it about? But could it be telling me that I shouldn't look backward and look forward instead?

你可以听听吗？

你可以用很多时间去准备，去计划，但你不能预测意外，你也不能逆天而行。因为天意，最后我连“補插”都不能带走。

注定了就是注定了，何苦顽强地要作对？ 因为作对，搞得关心自己的人都不愉快。

争取过，努力过就真的不会有遗憾吗？我争取过，但是我落得一肚子的不满意和无助。

坚持是勇敢和毅力的表现，还是愚蠢和顽固的写照？ 你的坚持让我好辛苦，我却莫名的觉得你好有性格。

expectation

朋友说人因为有了期望而把人与人之间的关系搞砸了。

如果没有期望就不会因为得不到而失望，不会失望而变得闷闷不乐。

当闷闷不乐时，小小的不如意都会被放大。放大的小不如意就会堆积起来，慢慢形成了一座火山，长期处于一触即发的状态。

但是没有了期望就可以把问题都避免了吗？

合理的期望是好的，我是这般的见解。期望好比喻成目标，换另一个发式去看待期望: 至少有期望表示你知道你想要什么，你不再需要费时费神的去思索你要的是什么。

有了你的期望，对方不再苦苦猜测。你的期望就变成了一个指南，引导对方，帮他了解你的需求。

期望的好坏在于本身的拿捏，如果你以中庸的心态去期望，相信会是百利而无一害的

你说你学会不要有所期望，我觉得是你忘了期望的快乐，你选择了不期望。

没有值得期望的恋爱方式，你会快乐吗？

注：我没有“意默”，我只是写下我的想法。

我想起了我小时候最喜欢的活动就是说故事。

应该是我重新找回我儿时的快乐啦

离开不是逃离

最近我都好像很迷惘，时常搞不清楚自己到底要什么，又不要些什么。

前几天坐在戏院里，情侣座是没有中间的armrest的，可是我可以感觉到我们之间隔了何止一片海，忽然想起原来我们来看这部电影是因为你觉得你需要禰补我，你想要为你之前的过错补偿，难怪坐在身边的你好像敷衍似的看着电影。

当晚的零交流和电影结束后你迫不及待的要离开，迟钝的我现在才明白为什么。
我还特地穿的比较隆重的，好可笑呀。

虽然我喜欢潮起的快感，但很无奈的，我不能面对潮落时的失落。或许我和你一样都是比较适合在没有任何浪潮的地方漫游。

直道七月一号的晚上8时30分，我才明白原来我需要的是决心。开着空调，坐在被雨水打湿的车竟然还比你对我的冷漠还来得更暖。你的无视让我有了离开的决心。

我还是老话一句：我不要求公平对待，我只需要真诚的关心。能陪伴你度过低落的时期，其实我也一样渴望你会分享你的快乐。

你身边有没有朋友是你特别喜欢向他倾诉你的问题的？

我发现我真的很喜欢聆听别人的故事，无论是快乐或悲伤的，我都会去细心的听清楚。能给以意见的，我都不会吝啬；当然有时帮不上忙，我也会有点沮丧。

我想有两个原因我会喜欢这么做。

其一是我能从中得到存在感。因为有人需要我的耳朵和意见让我觉得起码自己对社会还有少许的贡献，哈哈，我是怪咔吧？

其二或许听起来有点像自我在搞伟大，不过这真的是我的想法：我明白人在难过时，如果没有人能聆听他的问题，他会感到非常无助，甚至会有点绝望，所以只要在我的能力范围内我都会去帮他。可能是我本身无法得到别人的耳朵和肩膀，所以我有一种使命感（臭屁啦）要去阻止同样的悲剧（好夸张）发生在朋友身上。

所以，妈咪请体谅我吧。

我真的真的很累！

人说哀莫大于心死。

平凡比特出难

平凡简单，突然好想抱着这4个字到梦乡去。

回想起以前小些的时候，喜欢一个人是多么美好的一件事。偷偷的张望着心仪的对象，有点担心她会不会突然看过来，暗地里又很渴望两人的眼神能碰到。

现在长大了，胆子是比较大了，但要顾虑的东西也越来越多。喜欢一个人反而变成一种折磨，美好的东西变质了, 付出的回报竟然是心痛和失望，还有数不清的不悦和无奈。

我怀念过去单纯的我,如果长大的代价是失去平凡，我情愿不曾长大，起码我可以简简单单地过我的生活。

讽刺的是当人人都在追求机会来特出自己的时候，我竟然只想要普通朴实。好想好想再一次傻傻地喜欢一个人。

此时此刻，一句发自内心的问候变成了我不能负担的奢侈品，一只温软的小手就象天上的星星般遥不可及。

Please dun say that I have abandon you.

I once make such accusation in the past and I really regretted it. I hope you will not make the same mistake as mine.

You know that you are more than just a good friend to me, in fact, if i ever have a GF in the future, she will not know me better than you do.

Can we just go back to how we were back then?

I seriously need to have goals in my life.

I m growing more and more restless because of not having anything to achieve in my life.

I know I need to have something yet I dunno what I want for now.

Can some1 help me out? Just a little suggestion to kick start my ass

Is really ironic how sometimes a person that you like the most, the most compatible together with is never your partner in life.

People always say that so long as you put in your effort, then you will have nothing to regret bout. But endless disappointment can be quite sad, and slowly you will start to have less faith and even less hope. Hope is for people who have strong believe, not those emotional unstable people like me.

So instead of hoping something to happen, I am now taking action and make things happen. Wish me luck eh!

请珍惜

我还以为只有艺人被人消费来获得利益，博取知名度，可是我错了。

其实也不是没有预感的，只是不停地催眠并告诉自己：是自己敏感罢了，不好胡思乱想，搞得大家都不欢而散。

但再笨的人都会有一天清醒，狠狠地掌掴自己，要自己去面对事实。或许我真的不能像伟人那样不计较付出，一直奉献；因为我不是伟人。

你再也没有资格忽然传我一则短讯问我为何没有与你联系。

你更没有资格要求我做你的司机，你的闹钟，你的发泄对象。

因为你让我好失望。你让我看清：一个人若不回珍惜你，那是因为他不值得你对他的好；就算你不再对他好，他也不会怀念。

still emo

Your ex become your ex because he/she was never the right person for you. He/She will remain as a distant memory of your past because they don't belong in the future with you.

You need to be strong and toughen up, you will meet a better lover.

You need to start moving on now, he/she is doing alright since the break up.


These are the most common line that you might get from your friend who is trying to make you feel better. No break up are easy. Break up can be ugly, nasty, draggy, silently (as in one side just choose to vanish into thin air and not picking your call anymore), but never easy.

Moving on are equally tough.

You can tell the whole world that you moved on, you can even be in a new relationship with someone hu seems to be lot better than your previous bf/gf. But beneath all the happy smile, you still thought of he/she a lot.

You go around telling how much you hate him/her for cheating on you, for breaking your heart but somehow you know very well that you still care a lot bout them.

You can get all your friend to cheer you up, take all their advices, go for some sort of escapade and get drunk, but in the end you need to really forgive before you can forget. It will be all yourself, no matter how many good friend you have to support you, it will be all down to you.

I never doubted that I give all my support to my friends who needed them, I gave my 110% for them. But I know sometimes that is just not enough for them, they need to give their 110% as well.

So please don't hope that I can endlessly support you, because even Superman need to rest and make love with Lois Lane, Spiderman need to earn his living by working as a newspaper photographer.

I don't want to feel that way, but you are making me starting to doubt that all my effort is going down the drain.

Sometimes

Sometimes you just need to make up your mind.

Sometimes you just need to be selfish and put yourself first.

Sometimes you try too hard to please everyone, you end up hurting everyone.

Sometimes the person that you love the most is that one person that you know very well you can never be with no matter how hard you try.

Sometimes you need to be cruel, even though you are always the nice guy.

Sometimes you think you understand love, but actually you only know love just the way you want it to be.

Sometimes I just wish I can runaway from all these sometimes.

How many is too many?

Is no secret that I am a shopaholic. And is no secret that I love buying shoes.

Whether you call it sneaker or shoes or something else, you know I m talking bout the thing that you wear on to your feet.

Despite the fact that I own the most pair of shoes in my family, I still think is alright to get another pair or two, especially now there are so many awesome design out there.

Although, Nike has some really marvelous design but I m getting sick of seeing so many ticks whenever I go. I mean, is really pure madness to see so many pairs of Nike on the road.

My current love: A canvas shoes from Cotton On that I bought for 29.90. Lol

two in 1 post

Went to Ara Damansara for site visiting purpose.

As soon as my lil bump rested upon the seat of the van with a malfunction air-con, I am thrilled. The old familiar of sweating under the hot sun in a stuffy van, the bouncy feeling due to the super lousy suspension or because the van doesn't have one.

I used to ride in the van when I was in primary school, my uncle was running errand and delivering goods to customers, and I always tag along. Despite the hot weather and bouncy feeling, I always fall asleep easily in the van.

So imagine how happy I am when I start to feel the hot air breezing through my face as the van pick up speed, of coz I didn't like the dust, but still not everything is perfect ma. I just rest my head by the opened window and let my mind be free of any thought, from work, from family, from friends who appreciate you and don't appreciate you enough.

Is like me being 11 all over again when I m actually 23. Gosh, I am such a sucker for lingering on old memories.

***********************************

Just because you are nice to your friend, it doesn't mean they have to be nice to you. You are not genuinely being nice to them if you actually expect them to repay you with their kindness in the future.

p.s: It seems that it doesn't matter how close you and I, and how much I care for you, you still think see me as a second class, at least I am always second grade to that another guy, I am just the guy that you will show your ugly side to, but never your softer side.

p.s: I witness how you try so hard to wipe your tears off when you are riding in my car, the question that I wanted to ask really bad: Is he worth it?? Please stop using dunno how as an excuse!

p.s: If you think I am nice to you all because I am attracted to you and wanna woo you, then sorry la, my dear, you r dead wrong. I have no problem helping a friend in need, but if you think that I MUST help you out when you need assistance, you better think again. I dun even think that you are half as nice as how I treat you.

p.s: I might always be smiling and makes sarcastic remark right after I say: I like you, but I really mean it. So please stop having doubts and believe in me and you.

短短的就夠了

最近有點累，不是工作太多，只是自己選擇去做個夜貓子。每次都把自己搞得累到半死才去睡。

情緒上有越來越不穩定的感覺，難道我真的變成了emo一族了？

突然好想找找貓咪和老師走走夜市，吃吃不健康的小吃，然後嘻嘻哈哈的38一番。

發現和以前的朋友漸漸疏遠了，聊的話題都是他們的工作如何如何，不再是廢話連篇的狂想曲。

也覺得一些重新聯絡的朋友好像很好相處的。



本來是要好好安慰剛剛分手的朋友，但是現在好像變成了她的水泡。覺得有點趁虛而入的感覺，不是一件壞事啦，不過不想她醒來後覺得自己太不理智了。

Soup soup soup

Ah Ma's lengtong. Actually I am not sure is it my mom or my dad who make the soup la. Lol. SO it could be AH Pa's lengtong.

Is salted vege with tofu, tomato and carrot soup. Maybe too much water was added so somehow not gao enuff.

I wan ABC soup, Miss Quek says she is going to make me 1 when she come back. Hopefully she is not lying la.

Internship P1

Miss Quek requested me to blog about my internship life. Wanted to take some pictures but dad took it for his work in office. So I guess you just have to read my blog without picture for now first.

I am doing my internship in a construction material laboratory company, my job start on 8.30, so I have to wake up around 7o clock if I want to prepare my own breakfast, or 7.20 if I wan to sleep longer because the night before went clubbing fooling around drinking helped mommy with housework till 2 a.m.

Lunch break is at 12.30. I wish it is at 11.30 because I always get hungry by 11. One hour only lo my break time so I just eat at the nearby mamak stall and spend the saved time resting or read newspaper. OMG, i sound like those old man that has been working in the same company for the past 20 years.

5.30 is the happiest moment of my life. I will punch out in record speed and zoom back home to remove the dusty jeans as soon as possible.

Then dinner at home lo, I guess my mommy took my Miss HER COOKING statement too strong, so she want me to have dinner at home as much as possible.

And I have to work on Saturday too. Stop smirking. Don't mock me just because I am soft.

Yer, why this entry sounds very boring 1? Because internship is boring la. Duh

to a fren hu is stuck in Hobart now

According to LWL, I am too soft. And being too soft all the time means I am going to get bullied and hurt by others, especially those big mean fellow.

To be frank, I am actually more toward being nice than being soft. I do believe that if you try to fight fire with fire, you end up having a gigantic blaze up in your ass.

So LWL, i think you should take my advise instead, try to be softer, k?

Thin like stick

Before I went down and meet my senior which I suppose to have dinner with, I can't help but to pray hard that she will not mention anything about my weight.

As soon as I sit down, she look at me and said: You are thinner.

me: ............

she: You really are thinner than before.

me: is that even possible? Given that I am so thin before this.

she: You beat the odd, then.

me: .............

me: lets eat!

I had fried rice, soya bean, and burger. Slam it down~~~~~

Ouch, am I actually shrinking thinner? OMG, I m going to take my breakfast now. Bye~~~~

Dear mommy

Someone complain that I purposely write my entry in Chinese because I don't want her to understand what I am trying to express.

Luan Luan Kongg. Nah, now I write in English lo, okay? I am doing it only for you lo, because you are the most important woman in my life. So I think is right about time I get more allowances. HaHaHa.

In a week time, I will once again get to drink mommy's warmth and delicious soup. I'm homesick to the max. Could this possible be the reason why I can't sleep at night?! I don't think it has anything to do with the final exam.

Beside my family, there are a lot of people that I am missing too. Khai Lin la, Sheanne la, Yoko la, Kah Lun la, Mei Cheeng la, Cindy la, Sheirly la, Wen Qian la, and also Fat Xiong and Gay Xiang. My brain also can't recall all the name lo

The only thing I am not hoping to be greeted by is the super hot weather of KL.

把话说清楚

心照不宣
两个人都知道的事情，有时候不用真的说出来，心里知道了就足够了。说了出来也于事无补，还不如用那口气来暖暖肚子。

心有灵犀
像魔术那样，两个人不用开口，不用任何暗示，就有一样的想法平且了解对方的心思。没有体会过的人会说是巧合，有体验的就知道那种感觉是多么的美好。

我从来就不是个寡语少话的人，嘴巴吱吱喳喳的，好像都没有合拢过。相信不少人还会嫌我吵呀，烦啦！

不过很多事情如果一直摆在心房里而找不到对的门路去发泄，往往人就会变得闷闷不乐，或者失去了说话的勇气。

千万不要以为很多事情可以用感觉去表示，每个人的脑袋都不一样，很多时候事情就是因为你的安静和不语而变得更复杂。勇敢的去把事情交待清楚，最起码你不用猜疑对方到底在想什么。

世界已近太多的谎言了，这个时候，它不需要含糊不清来把它搞得更复杂。

在这儿，我很想分享一句话，是从电影里的对白，那时在我心里产生了莫名的共鸣：所有人都记得真相，只是他们越来越会撒谎而已。

Nik says he is trying to like gals.

I told him: I am trying too! I miss the feeling of liking a gal, that kind of pureness and sweetness.

Is not suppose to be so hard, right? I mean gals are hard to understand la, but love is simple wut.

I wonder what went wrong......



(edited)

好无助

我好想痛痛快快地哭一场。

我没有任何的伤感，但是我真的很想很想哭，至少内心莫名的不安能得到释放，不会一直这样折磨我本来就不太好的情绪。

我不清楚是什么让我越来越不明白自己，难道每天看着镜中的人不是最明白的人？

我有这么的复杂吗？过去单纯无邪的我去了哪里？我好迷惑，好无助，好累。

好渴望一个温柔的拥抱，更渴望一双有力的手能给疲惫的身体舒服的按摩，我需要实实在在的人与人的接触，感到对方的体温。

我好想得到的东西，我从来没有得到过......

Sometimes + sometimes = most of da time

Sometimes I turn to the person sitting next to me, and I caught him/her looking at you. I gave a friendly nod and smile but I wasn't sure why I do it.

Sometimes I look at the person sitting opposite of me, and he/she look up and caught me looking at them. I gave a red-faced smile and quickly bow my head down or look somewhere else.

Sometimes I look at my hand, carefully inspecting fingers and nails, removing the dirt caught in it, or just vigorously rubbing the hand and feel the heat on the palm.

Sometimes I look at my notepad, tentatively reading crap or outdated tutorial example and solution.

Sometimes I look at the doodle or scribble written on the table by some student with heart fill of vandalism and hooliganism.

Sometimes I look at my shoes and get annoyed with the mud spot on it.


No wonder I didn't get much from most of the lecture class, because I am distracted by different thing in that 120 minute.

late april fool post

Wanted to write this in Chinese initially so that people who can’t read Chinese will not think that I am racist, but after much consideration, I decided to write it in English so that everyone can get whatever that I am trying to express here.

I love Malaysia, the food, the people, the street, Mid Valley, the weather and etc. But one thing that I don’t like at all is how we are being fooled by the government (actually not the whole organization, but merely some top position in the Cabinet) of this whole 1Malaysia campaign. Don’t get me wrong, I am not against the unity among different races concept. But is just a task that can never be accomplished. At least it is not achievable so long as the government continue on with the policy of Bumiputera Superiority (BS).

Okay, some might start to say that I am playing with fire by bringing this sensitive issue up. That is not my intention: to stir up more displeasure of non-Bumi. NO. I am talking something bigger here. I am always against any double standard in anything. Since young, we are taught to be fair and everyone deserved equal right and chance in everything. Yet, in real life…… (fill in anything that you like here)

One thing great about human is the way we adapt to things, unlike animal, we can adapt in different kind of situation and environment. So I am getting use to this BS, and I will never get to do anything to change that. Is just that I’m really fed up by this joke they play with the 1Malaysia thing right now.

I think I should really move into the real reason I wrote this post.

So today is April Fool, and I was listening to the news on radio (yeah, u heard me right, the news). There is this news about DPM making the following remark: Malay special right will always come first, 1Malaysia will follow behind.

Then the news continued on about our PM backing his deputy: DPM is right. He is just quoting what is stated in the Constitution(okay, I’m sorry if I didn’t get the term right, but in Bahasa, is Perlembagaan).

As if the first news about the DPM is not hilarious enough, the second news did well to outshine the former. I was laughing in my heart when I heard the news.

The government is throwing spending multimillion to promote and instill the whole 1Malaysia spirit in our people. The concept is really splendid, one big united family consisting different races. No more distinguishing between Malay, Chinese, Indian and the rest of minority races. We are equal, we are loving each other as a family. We share everything, the Bumi have BS, the non-Bumi have nothing.

See where the problem lies? It doesn’t really look equal and fair, isn’t it? You are telling us to unite and walk hands in hands to prosperity and 2020, yet you sit on top of everyone playing with superiority and second class. How can we be really united? Is only human nature that we feel envy or jealous of people having advantage over us, is not a crime for us toe feel that way.

Stop pouring more money into the whole 1Malaysia thing if you still want to hold on to the special right. Withdraw the so called 1Malaysia F1 team which is the most absurd idea I ever heard, unity of a nation on the back of a 4 wheel racing car?

Just leave us as how we are previously, and by that I meant the pre-1Malaysia period. We are doing pretty well anyway, spend that hundred million on developing the country infrastructure and improve the quality of US, the people’s life and welfare.

P.S: As I stated previously, this is my blog, I’m just giving my point of view on things I seen, I experienced and I felt.

P.P.S. : I turn on anonymous comment so that anyone of you can just give your comment without needing your ID.

when is my big G?

This blog deserve a proper entry, some food for thought, no ranting, no complain, no displeasure, just some wise~0~words.

It is thesis rushing period for lots of final year student right now, but not for me because I am not in my final year yet (ouch). In fact, by the time I graduate, my younger brother would have been working for almost 30 months. Yes, that is how much I am lagging behind.

But becoming a working class is not something I look forward to, I am looking forward to graduation, marriage, having kids, dying, but not working. HaHa. 8 people out of 10 told me that you miss student life as you start to work. I never like studying, but if working makes you miss your student life, that pretty much tell you how suck it is to work (is this sensible to u?).

Wa, where is the wise words? I have been vomiting lots of rubbish for the past 5 minutes. Guess I really should take a break from blogging.

shhhh, secret

Password is my nickname.

Z8KlwqbCqCEzOSEBITAhITAhLcOVw6Z7wpfDrn/DjzXDmsKYDx9mZxvDiS3DucOuITMzIWfDh8OSXTwgE14Zw7FaEW8twpFmw7nDuXTDhyEzNCHDlVTCvsKCw7DDnm7ClWAtw5gRwozDh8OIOTzCmcKYwpR/TMK5w73DtcO8LcOqwr85dzpAw7bDqMKyCMKTw6Jow55vITEzIS3CkcOBw67DtcOrccKww6JHHnDDqmZcw6HCjC0PwqkkwqkhNDUhw5XDh3AHwprDl8KlbgdMw6ctw7Z6w63DtMOJfXVNG8K0wp7Cp8OVZQgHLTHDh1MhMzMhwo85SxrCmwTDoibDv8Opw5lBLcKEwpjCtGrDhjLDohTDpMKAwpYjGsK2wogGLUhiG8OUw73CvXjCulTDtsKWwqHDm8OZMMK9LcKsH3JCWMOcdcOGFhdZfcO1bVPCkS3CuCExMiHDkMK0woQ4UizDnCDCq8K9wr7CuG5eLcKnITEwIUDCtzllMcOrw6/CqhbCr8O0wo3DisOdLSExMCFCw7XDtSUlwofCt13DhDnCg8Onw5fDlDstw77Dl8KXw7XDixJ0ITM5IVhbw6UPwo/CuSoCLcOow45hwo5DcWJKVi9Tw7TCvyExMSEOw68tUsOTw4/DgsKYwr8vNMKEEcOKw7nDrynDlxEtwpTCk8OYUkTDpsKyRHtLQcKvUGXCr8OHLcKSwq3DvMOZwoHDqzfCqMK8G8O1w4bDvcOHwrLDiS3DszTDrMODwpbDvR5hF8KCwpQsw49Iw6LDty0qLxfCpMKvcgcqw4rDtkdEOMOIwrQaLcOrwrHDgnMswoBiw5gFb8KRwpTCqHXCpX0tw6DCvsKffcOfZsOC

I spent the whole day thinking and missing a person, I have a strong intuition that I will have dream about this person and I will wake up missing her more. Yet when I woke up the next day after a long night of random weird nightmare, I feel that I sort of miss her less. Then for the next few days, somehow memory and feeling for that person become more and more vague.

I thought: Maybe my brain and heart are finally working together to help me to move on.

Then I caught a glimpse of something small or not even important, but this small unimportant thing reminded me of her, and I start to remember things about her. Like a 1000 pieces of jigsaw, I assembly and sort out pieces by pieces, slowly finishing up the puzzle. Sometimes it will only take me a few hours to get it done; sometimes days.

Once the puzzle is completed, I will just stare at it forever, nostalgia is running through my vein, memory is inhibiting my mind, sadness is dwelling in my heart. They tend to stay there for a long time, till I woke up one day and the whole process just start all over again. Maybe a scene from movie or just a cup of coffee, sometimes I have to deal with a new piece of puzzle but I always solved it and feel sad.

Is tiring, but I like the feeling of being tired, is like I’m found my sense of belonging in those tiredness. Is not something explainable or sense making, just like love, you can never explain it to your friend no matter how hard you try, you have to feel it, you cannot touch it, but you can sense it.

电影达人

不知道你是不是非常热爱观赏电影？

如果你答是，那你又喜欢哪一类的电影呢？

我身边有不少的男生钟爱科幻片，尤其是只要挂上一两个有稍微知名度的演员和适量的爆炸，他们就迫不及待地想去看。

我弟弟呢，就什么电影都胡乱地看一场，好的，烂的都照样收单。

还有一些人就偏爱喜剧，最好是无厘头的，再加上低俗的笑点，他们就可以笑足90分钟。

发现最近虽然有很多很多的电影上映了，但都没有一部让我有一股冲动想一睹为快的。
是电影的水平掉了，还是我的要求高了呢？

熟悉我的朋友都应该知道我喜欢看爱情小品，原因是什么？可能是我有颗女儿心吧，不过我觉得是因为爱情小品里比较有希望；它们的题材都比较正面的，至少不会把世界描写得很灰。

当然有些爱情片是非常凄美，非常催泪的；一部分的又太过完美，太甜密的，所以两者之间的平衡点其实还蛮不容易拿捏的。
如果一部电影拍得太生活化，就好像我们日常生活的小插曲，我想一定没有人会感兴趣：你日常生活的片段，你会付钱去观赏吗？


真的真的好向往能与自己最喜欢看见的那张脸贴着一起，看着银幕上的爱情，心里感受着一丝丝的甜意，温柔的小手握着被空调冻得发抖的那只粗糙的手。属于我的爱情为什么还不出现呀？我还没准备好吗？又或爱情注定是我的奢侈品，而我只是个没有任何能力去消费的贫穷人？

Happy Birthday, Mr Tan

Sup? surprise to see me back here so soon right, peep?

I m not bored, I just want to wish my roommate happy birthday. Tan Khang Yee, u silly bastard, you are 23 today. Next year this time, you will be 24 and 2 months later, hopefully we can all say bye bye to assignments and final exam.

For those who have no clue, my roommate is my coursemate as well. He is like the only friend I have in my Civil Engineering program.

I'm hearing lots of murmur about how sad is that.
Is not sad at all, all I ever needed is a friend who can understand me, share my point of view, laugh at my jokes and not being lame. And so far Mr. Tan here is fitting the role pretty good, of coz I would have prefer my roommate to be nympho with a height of 165cm and we can do all kind of naught things together in the room, but life is never perfect lo. So i just have to live with that la.


Not sure how often he check my bog but if you see this, you know that I actually have been real nice to you and post up my wishing here in my personal playground.

I am not going to get him any gift because I know he will not buy me any present come my birthday.

I wan present la, so whoever is reading this entry and have a couple bucks extra to spend, get me a birthday present la. Seriously, it can be chewing gum or a pairs of shoes, as long as it come with a nice wrapping, i will take it. Yes, I know I am cheap.

no one ever say it is easy

Been having lots of dream with different random people, people that I have not meet for long time, people that I used to be close with but no longer, and the weird part is I never had any dream with people that I spend a lot of time with or close to.

One thing that is common in my dream is I never quite remember what was is about, I don't really care because I am never those people who like to remember the dream and try hard to understand and find meaning behind it.

Some people believe that there is psychic power behind dream, others like to associate dream with stress or just thoughts. Well, i certainly hope that I can control my dream so that I can choose whatever outcome that I want.

I hope that I can have a good dream tonight, and if it is good, the I certainly want to remember it. Not that I want to live my life in a dreamland, but who would want to have nightmares when they can have good one?

I think I m starting to love sleeping more and more, I just hope that I don't have to wake up feeling really tired after sleeping for too long. HaHa, ironic right?

*******************************

I come across this very very sad line just late yesterday: If I have never meet you, then I will never have to leave you. And somehow it just resonate with my heart, and this same familiar sting was felt.

I have lots of chips today and I m seriously bliss after consuming them. And even though I get real thirsty after that, I don't care, because I have lots of water here. HaHa

*******************************

Chatted with a few friend from different places,

• a currently working friend is actually planning to get a degree in Civil Engineering, is he inspired by me?!?
• a soon to be graduating friend who just went back to Hobart and never even inform me. There I was waiting for her reply after i SMS-ed her.
• another soon to grad friend who share my pain and thoughts quite a bit, the weird thing is we are never close.He actually show me this very nice blog post. Definitely worth your 5 minutes ( make it 10 if u are a slow reader)
  

Dun hate her for loving you

HaHa, I know I have not been the best figure for you to look up upon and set as an example.

But I did my part, and I hope you can get something out of it.

One thing that I remember most vividly is when she says: The day that I stop nagging, that is the day I stop loving and no longer care.

Just like how I always put it: We can never choose our family like how we have the choice for friend.


YLP, dun hold grudges, appreciate everything that you are having.

******************

Alex asked Why you choose to blog ya?

Ehm, because I always feel good after doing so.

如果我是陈奕迅

Okay, I m not as dead I thought I am.

I still get excited and happy over little simple things.

One thing that I will never exchange for anything else in the world is my VOICE. Because without it, I can never sing my lungs out.

I have one of the best karaoke session yesterday night and now I have even stronger urge to get vocal training to improve on this 1 thing that I really love. How how?!?!

I woke up and saw that there are new Bearbrick releasing, OMG. And the design makes me love it the very moment I saw it. How am I suppose to save money for trips if I keep spending madly this way?

And witnessing the flow of affection and love between DaiLou and gf makes me smile. I never show in on my face, but deep inside my heart, I am smiling and I still believe in love.

Question of the day: Should I watch Alice in Wonderland in 3D??!?! hemmmm......

you piece of shit

You always want what you can't have

You never treasure everything that you are having

You keep on complaining about not having much when you actually got plenty

You think you are right and everyone else are just wrong

You say you want a lover that is not clingy, but you grasp on the past like your life is hanging by it

You broke promise to yourself over and over and over again


There is an inner voice inside me telling me all these, and it is slowly driving me insane.

K歌之王

这一篇entry的灵感来自姐妹的姐妹的blog。

我本身最最最欣赏的歌手就是陈奕迅，我时常陶醉于他的歌声中而久久不能自拔。从小小声地哼着哼着到完全忘我的高歌，他就是能这样单单的用歌声来对我产生共鸣。

第一次接触他是那一首《幸福摩天轮》，说实在当时不喜欢他，觉得他长得不像一个歌手应有的外貌。然后他更主演了一部电影《十二夜》，我更不喜欢他，电影明星更应该长得帅气。

接下来，陆陆续续他推出了不少的好歌，《明年今日》，《夕阳无限好》,《K歌之王》，《大开眼戒》，《shall we talk》等等。这个时候，我对他还是保持着中立的态度，觉得他的歌是可以一听，但没有到很喜欢的地步。

一直到2006年的一个演唱会晚，朋友获得几张VIP的入场券，知道我喜欢看演唱会就邀了我一同去看。那是我人生中最接近舞台的一次，我们的位置是第二排，前面就是记者和另一排VIP。很遗憾的是我不熟他的歌曲，我无法明白其他出席者尖叫的感受，但我感到陈奕迅和他的一班乐手的用心。

对于自己这次身在福中不知福我感到惭愧，接下来的几天我都在download他的歌曲，慢慢地去听他用歌声表来出来的故事，渐渐地爱上这一把很有磁性的声音。陈奕迅在我不知不觉中成为了我的生命的一部分。

去唱K，我都会点他的歌。《浮誇》，《富士山下》，《七百年後》，只要是稍微有点热的歌，我都会点来唱。

去年，我还特地赶回KL观赏他的演唱会，虽然很多我喜欢的歌他都没唱，不过他实在有太多好歌了，所以我们也不可能一次听完。

我本身最喜欢他的《阿牛》和《富士山下》，我可以确定只要这两首歌一播，我就会忘我地跟着唱。

还记得她载着我去机场的路上，她的车里就是播放着陈奕迅的歌，她告诉我：她超喜欢他。我轻轻地回她：我也是。然后我们就一起静静地听着他说故事，我记得当时的我有一种说不出的幸福和舍不得分开的伤感。

如今她选择了和别人一起看演唱会，我希望陈奕迅不会像我这样，那么容易的就被别位取代。而陈奕迅而现在除了是我的歌神，也使我常常回想起那时候短暂但真实的快乐。

see you in May la, KL

Now I can fully understand how short is 13 days, it is really short lo, lot shorter than 25 days. Duh!

I just had one really mixed feeling Chinese New Year holiday.


I get tipsy after having only 2 cans of Beer.

I was disappointed by some remark by my friends when I open up and tell them my problem. I thought they could at least be sympathy not sarcastic when I am that vulnerable.

I enjoy gambling a lot, although I think I only get to break even after many night of winning and losing.

I am happy and glad that some of my friends whom I get really fond of cares and console me when I needed them.

I am disappointed, still am, with my immaturity. For god's sake, please stop being a boy and grow up as a man.

I am shocked by how easily the tears gushing out from my eyes. You are sure to see the most ugly side of me if you were around me that moment, but the sensation after crying is really awesome.

I think I also developed an appetite for Whisky. On the rock please, and BOTTOMS UP.

2010 is not the most happy CNY for me, but is one CNY that I discover lots of about myself.

P.s: The only way to go is up when you hit rock bottom.

淚或累？

當渴望擁抱卻撲了個空，我選擇了掉淚。

不是感動的淚，更不是傷心的淚，而是對于自己幼稚的任性和無謂的執著流下不忿的淚水。


當一切只能成為回憶，我選擇了放棄。

不想一次次地回憶起快樂的相處，然后又一次次地感概我們間無奈地結束，雖然我一直都和你一樣強調著我們從來沒開始。


當我在迷惑且無助時，我選擇了你。

我不知道我需要多久才能重新站起，我好希望下一雙扶起我的手會選擇跟我牽著手，而不是放開了手讓我再一次無助地獨自在美好回憶里徘徊。

may i?

E told me that she need to quickly fall in love with someone so that she will not be tempted anymore to go back to her ex's embrace. I wish I could help E out, she seems to be really tortured by the ex bf.

I told her she has my full support on her decision to be in a new relationship so that she can move on from the previous one. People who always talk about what is wrong or right in a relationship most probably be thinking that is very inappropriate to go into a relationship with such aim in their mind.

Well, all I can say that is all human being are selfish, just that everyone has SELFISHNESS to a different degree and they apply it to various aspect of life. I think is really WRONG for others to actually say that a person is WRONG just because she want to make herself happier and not to be tormented by something of the past by a person who doesn't appreciate her the way she is suppose to be deserving.

Maybe I should just fall in love with you, I know I am much happy with you in everything as compare to her.

12th of Feb 2010

Is Jessica's bday. Happy bday gal.

I think you should tell your fren when u feel that you are not being appreciated the way u deserve.

I seen a lot of taxi driver trying hard to cheat foreign tourist today.

Some foreign tourist are actually quite smart.

I have lots of thought when I saw you serving coffee.

I like it best when you flash your smile.

I listen to every words that Fui Ying and Jessica said.

Even though I might look distracted, but I'm actually listening.

I talk quite a bit with Frederick.

I tried but I can't hate you. Hahaha

I was asked a lot of question by Lut and BF.

Dun mess with my brain anymore, I will not tolerate with these.

I been through a lot today. I think I am content at this moment.

A, B, C, D, E and F

Was reading notes while playing Solitaire and listening to Hin and Eason when I receive an sms from my friend A. Then another fren B sms for no good reason, asked her what's her problem and she only reply nothing, wtf?!? I noe my phone is post-paid la, but still I need to pay for my SMSES lo.

Then there was C, a really close friend, our relationship is as good as any crazily-in-love couple. Never been a day that I didn't send or receive sms from her.

Is been a while since I last talk to fren D, never bother to sms her because she will never reply me neway. So I go through the phonebook in my phone and dial her number, she didn't pick up. Nvm la, maybe she is busy ba.

Then suddenly sent a random sms to E just to sulk a bit. E is like a real nice elder sister to me.

In the end, F, a close acquaintance of E sms me and sorta sulk to me pula. F is a really nice friend to have and has one of the kindest heart I have ever come across.

So now, I'm worry about A, please tell me how r u doing now.

I'm pretty sure B has her problem too. Next time just tell me la.

C, believe me when I say that I really care and want you to be happy.

I miss the voice of D, hope she pick up my phone call ba.

Remember to go Karaoke and Broga Hill with me lo, E.

First thing I do once I reach KL is to meet and you going to treat me for dinner ya, F.



Do you know which alphabet are you?

I got A feeling

I like how am I feeling right now.

Weather is real good.

Class and assignments are just ngam ngam right.

Not feeling any discontentment at all.

Not being unsatisfied with anything at all.

And I m having this weird urge of doing something that I previously never thought of wanting to do. But somehow I m liking this weird urge.

CGcgCgcG!

All set and in the right mood to celebrate Chinese New Year. Woohoo~~

How I miss this kind of happy sensation running through every vein in my body.

February is coming to town

is 30th of January oledi. Woohoo~~~

February is coming real soon. I always like February, because it is short. Hey, now that I'm typing it out, me and February has something in common: SHORT.

Well, most of my blog post is just as SHORT as me. So now even my post has something in common with February. I might as well be using February as Month of my blog for no good reason.


*I know that I have let a few person around me down recently, but I promise to reorganize and live up to your expectation.

evil evil Facebook

I am imposing a 72 hours ban on myself. I am banning myself from login on to Facebook, the no1 time wasting site.

I have another 50 hours to go........

hand itching

Hemmmm, been having update quite frequent lately. I take it as a good sign, at least there are stuffs happening around me, be it good or shitty. Well, there has been quite a lot of good stuff actually. Stuff that makes you feel that the world is not that cruel or cold afterall.

OMG, I have the urge to go shopping again. Shit. How how?

Some people get happy and satisfied by drinking liquor, some by inflicting pain on others, by eating delicious food. My satisfaction is simply dressing myself with lots of nice clothes. Am I simple or just plain bimbo?

Okay la, I do feel crazily happy whenever I sing. And singing in my room doesn't cost me anything, but I like shopping too la. Cannot izit? Why can't I shop as much as I sing?!?! Oh, right right. I m still broke.

I am so going to spend when I go back to KL, hopefully with enough money lo and with the person that I wan la. Woi, you know who you r, right?

time please run faster!!!!

Wa, why the 2 weeks spent here feels like forever?!?!

Somehow the clock seems to tick in much slower manner. Every second is felt like 3 seconds, or at least 2.5 seconds which makes me feel that I have spend 5 weeks here.

TKY says is because I'm looking forward to CNY too much, too agitated, too excited. When you want it to come sooner, somehow that thing manage to come take its own sweet time and came much slower. That's irony.

I have another explanation for it, is most likely I feel restless because of lack of sleep. And when I'm restless, time seems to past slower. But the reason for me having trouble sleeping remain unknown to me. Boo~~~~

Class has been alright up to now. Last semester result was the worst of my 5 semester here. But what done is done. No use crying over spilt milk anymore.

sorry that I dun laugh at ur jokes today

Not sure how often you got this, but I'm sure you experience it before: You woke up in the morning and feel that something is not right. But you are not sure what causing you to feel that way.

I call it the Woke Up On the Wrong Side of the Bed.

Nothing is wrong actually, except that you yourself feeling something is missing, even though you can never explain what it is. I am having one right now.

Could be the weather, could be the sickening cough that is still bothering me, could be me stupidly missing someone, could be lack of sleep, it might well be all of these together.

But I'm sure this will not be the last time I'm having it, good news is, it always go away the next day unless it get stubborn and wanted to stay longer lo~

Hopefully the weather will get better real soon, and I'm trying my best to stay away from any cold drink, having more nap whenever I have the chance, and consoling myself that 10th of February is just 24 days away.

你还好吧？

哈哈，还蛮久没在这儿以华语来写下我的心声了。

今天心血来潮的想大展身手，来秀秀我荒废良久的华语。希望不会自取其辱，搞的亲爱的读者们喷饭。

空闲的时候上Facebook已成为了我的习惯，常常会看见我的一位好朋友留下令人费解的留言。

人们常说感情问题嘛，你不去想它，它就不会来烦你的。但其实又有多少人可以真真的做到呢？人都是感性的动物，在某种程度上都是渴望被疼惜，被宠爱，被关心，被呵护。虽然说太沉迷于恋爱中是不健康的，不过我始终相信爱是推动一切的力量。

爱钱的人会拼命地去赚钱；爱脸的人会尽力地去替自己找借口；爱讲话的人会像我这样嘴巴不能停下来。

我还蛮担心我这位朋友的，还没有从前一段感情完全地走出来就很快的踏入另一个人的心房，自己却不愿把自己的心房打开。伤人又伤己，让我这位旁观者也于心不忍。叫我白痴吧，不过我一直相信两个人在一起如果不能开心的话，就不要勉强地在一起。何必把美好的爱情变着互相煎熬的痛苦。赶快下决心吧，现在是你人生重要的时刻啦。



*尽管已大半年有多了，我还是常常会播放陳奕迅的於心有愧，然后痛快地跟着一起唱。

mhmmmm

I'm broke.

No money broke, not heart-broken broke.

Ya, I know, is not the first time I say that. But those previous complain about me being broke is just sorta like a reminder for myself to control my spending. And it sorta works as I do notice some sort of improvement on the depletion of my account balance. But sadly, that kind of improvement is not enough to stop me from being officially broke.

Looking back, I come to my sense that I was indeed spending too frantically,crazily and stupidly. Spending money that I never have, well, as in spending while not making any money. And not buying stuff using credit card and then paying minimum amount stated on the monthly statement.

The sad thing here is I cannot remember since when I started to spend money like how I am doing right now. But at least now I know where my problem is, and I shall start to find way to remedy it before it is too late.

I will start by eating dirt cheap lunch which consist of vegie and rice only. Okla, I need to cut down on my crave to buy shirts, pants, shoes. And to avoid fancy or luxurious looking eatery in the future unless is valentine, mom's bday, my bday,gf's bday and etc. Well, u get the idea right?

But of course there are something that I will not give in lo, like making phone call to friends to keep my sanity in balance keep in touch with.

I'm looking forward to have my salary by the end of the month, because I need to pay the money I owe my parents. I guess there will be no clothes for this coming CNY. lol

*decided to write unimportant stuff like my financial condition instead of some church torching incident that seems to be on everyone's blog.

failed to plan = planned to fail?

The last time I have a to-do list was when I wanted to get my passport and student pass renew, which was about 3 months back.

Guess I'm never a guy with plan, is cute when you are 13/14, but is pain in the ass when you are 22. How can one grown adult has no plan for his future? I can argue that my plan now is to graduate with my degree by 2011. But that is not plan, that is nature running at its own course. Unless I fail some of my subject, I will always be graduating by then.

Beside being lazy, I guess I like it when I'm not restricted by any plans in any part of my life. But lately, I m having second thought bout that statement.

You see, a promise is a kind of plan as well. And plan can be a guideline to how you live your life. What I see as a downfall can work as an advantage as well.

Living my life with no plan has not been great for me, so maybe I should try having plan in my life to see how far can I go with it. Ouch, that is going to take a great deal of effort for a lazy ass like me. LOL

is not worthless, i know

You gave it to me even though you never leave it from you. I was shocked and blessed to receive such offering from you.

You look disappointed when I gave it back to you when you requested for it. U say: HOW can you give it away just like that? It doesn't cost anything but is priceless in the sense of how much it meant.

It was the first time I see you showing such a sad face, I didn't know you treasure it that much. But believe me when I tell you that I treat it as part of me right now. I never remove it from my hand except when taking this picture (duh).

It still has that special scent of yours whenever I put my nose near and smell it. I think I am addicted to that scent. I wish that I have something that I could give you, and you would think of me whenever you look at it, but seriously I dun smell good. ( it doesn't mean that i smell bad la)

I kept my promise so long as you keep yours. Lui Yan.

this call brother?

This is a respond to my brother's post.

I dun do this normally, but is my brother here that is making strong statement bout me on a blog. A public blog that anyone can just come in and read. As much as I dislike/hate/wan him die, I will never, I repeat never use blog to attack or show my displeasure to a person so openly.

So out of a sudden, you think I enjoy making fun of you la? You think I have so much free time to care about a random gal if she is not my brother's interest? I rather use that time to dig and clean my nose up.

I dun feel angry, pissed, or mad. Is something that is lots more worst than that. I m disappointed. Call him the brother, call him the close fren, call him anything you want, but I thought growing up together meant something, but I m wrong, it meant nothing.

Go figure it out yourself, hu's the one hu always make an effort to make you look better but was never appreciated? Hu's the one hu call, msg u when u make the decision to not continue ur advance diploma? Hu's the one hu have to put up with ur lousy bad joke and worrying hu might u piss off all the time? Hu's the one hu always include you in his plan even after time after time u say no?

I swear to god if you are not my brother, I dun have to put up with all this shit. I m serious, I m this close of giving up on you. And thanks for spoiling my last day here in KL. U might not know that u did a FANTASTIC job here, but thumbs up for u. Now I will have to spend the rest of my day in grumpy mood.

01/01

Happy new year. Not going to have any new year resolution for 2010. Is pretty pointless to have resolution when you are not working hard to achieve them. I am going to make this a short post because I wan to show people I can CURI AYAM too.

Another 2 day before I will be back to the jungle, LOL.